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Michael Jackson’s Generosity and Love
Among the many accomplishments by Michael Jackson, none was more extraordinary than his support of historically black colleges and the opportunities he afforded disadvantaged youngsters who received a college education through his generosity.
Despite his limited academic achievements, and well into the ’90s — through benefit concerts and other activities — Jackson donated millions to the United Negro College Fund and founded the Michael Jackson Scholars program.
In 1988, at a sold-out dinner in NYC benefitting UNCF, he received an honorary doctorate from Fisk University. The event was attended by his close friends: Hollywood luminaries like Liz Taylor, Liza Minnelli, Quincy Jones and Don Cornelius (creator of “Soul Train”), Whitney Houston, Lionel Richie, and Gregory Peck also were part of the celebration, along with captains of industry like Edgar Bronfman, Jr., Clive Davis, and Walter Yetnikoff and more.
Jackson later inspired his sister, Janet, to follow in his footsteps by creating The Rhythm Nation Scholars.
This is a sad, sad day!!! For a humanitarian with such a big heart to lead a rumor-filled existence and to leave this place so tragically is more unsettling than I can find words to express.
Let’s just say: Many are fortunate that Michael and Janet shared the view that “a mind is a terrible thing to waste.” They’ve done a lot to “Heal the World!”
–Adrienne Rhodes, a former publicist for the United Negro College Fund
Ambi
Mary Mary
Good Stress, Bad Stress
In the workplace, there are many times where stress can be a
positive emotion. It can equal production, causing workers to meet
deadlines, find new leads and clients, and drive sales. Over the last
30 years, thanks to technology, our work has become even easier to do
with our gadgets, software and ’round-the-clock access to information.
positive emotion. It can equal production, causing workers to meet
deadlines, find new leads and clients, and drive sales. Over the last
30 years, thanks to technology, our work has become even easier to do
with our gadgets, software and ’round-the-clock access to information.
But negative stress can overwhelm us with extreme levels of
pressure, making it almost impossible to work productively. Many family
and home life stressors can affect your performance dramatically. Large
scale stressors can include: home foreclosure; a child not succeeding
in school; a relative with a substance abuse problem; divorce or
separation; caring for an elderly, sick or disabled relative; natural
disasters; death in the family; or even giving birth.
pressure, making it almost impossible to work productively. Many family
and home life stressors can affect your performance dramatically. Large
scale stressors can include: home foreclosure; a child not succeeding
in school; a relative with a substance abuse problem; divorce or
separation; caring for an elderly, sick or disabled relative; natural
disasters; death in the family; or even giving birth.
Stress Equals the Job
Many times, it is not problems at home causing the stress. Often,
the root of stress is the job itself. Studies conducted by the National
Institute for Occupational Safety and Health show ongoing stress
ultimately leads to chronic health problems, such as cardiovascular
disease, muscular conditions and psychological disorders. It can cost
you your health and employers billions annually as they try to pick up
the pieces from constant absenteeism, instability and high turnovers.
the root of stress is the job itself. Studies conducted by the National
Institute for Occupational Safety and Health show ongoing stress
ultimately leads to chronic health problems, such as cardiovascular
disease, muscular conditions and psychological disorders. It can cost
you your health and employers billions annually as they try to pick up
the pieces from constant absenteeism, instability and high turnovers.
“There are several things that can cause negative stress in the
workplace,” says Harrison Allen III, a human resources and employee
relations expert in Seattle, with more than 30 years of experience.
“These stressors include co-worker challenges, work environment,
compensation issues, discrimination, even supervisors.”
workplace,” says Harrison Allen III, a human resources and employee
relations expert in Seattle, with more than 30 years of experience.
“These stressors include co-worker challenges, work environment,
compensation issues, discrimination, even supervisors.”
Getting Help–EAP Programs
Surprisingly, many employees are unaware that the ability to
manage stress may be right under their noses. Many large corporations
and organizations in the United States offer comprehensive Employee
Assistance Programs (EAPs). Usually within these EAPs are sub-programs
for stress management and stress reduction.
manage stress may be right under their noses. Many large corporations
and organizations in the United States offer comprehensive Employee
Assistance Programs (EAPs). Usually within these EAPs are sub-programs
for stress management and stress reduction.
“Comprehensive EAPs, also referred to as staff resource centers,
are primarily established to assist20employees to stay healthy, both
physically and mentally,” Allen says. “Many organizations recognize
that stress can have a detrimental effect on employee productivity.
Progressive organizations understand the value of having effective
assistance programs because it has been proved repeatedly that healthy
employees are more productive. The better programs assist employees to
make healthy lifestyle changes by providing programs such as exercise,
diet, information, one-on-one counseling and substance abuse.”
are primarily established to assist20employees to stay healthy, both
physically and mentally,” Allen says. “Many organizations recognize
that stress can have a detrimental effect on employee productivity.
Progressive organizations understand the value of having effective
assistance programs because it has been proved repeatedly that healthy
employees are more productive. The better programs assist employees to
make healthy lifestyle changes by providing programs such as exercise,
diet, information, one-on-one counseling and substance abuse.”
These stress management programs are available to every employee and some include innovative, holistic components, such as:
- psychotherapy
- hypnosis for smoking cessation
- Kundalini yoga
- grief counseling
- mental health assessment and referrals
- exercise classes
- massage therapy
- seminars, workshops and classes on relaxation, time management and personal budgeting
A good stress management program within an EAP will also have
staff members trained to teach stress reduction. These staffers will be
able to show employees there are many simple things they can do to
reduce stress on the job:
staff members trained to teach stress reduction. These staffers will be
able to show employees there are many simple things they can do to
reduce stress on the job:
- Be more proactive. Learn how to communicate effectively with
your co-workers, managers and supervisors, even if it means standing up
for yourself. - Get up, get out. When stress begins to build, sometimes leaving
the scene can do a world of good. Getting fresh air and going for a
walk, taking a few minutes for meditation, even listening to soothing
music are quick and simple stress reducers. - Laugh. This is always the best medicine and a great way to
reduce stress. A joke, a funny story or silly picture can always put a
smile on your face and may even get a chuckle or two.
– A.K. Cabell
Fly (Nearly) Free
Two of America’s largest low-cost airlines, Air Tran Airways and
Southwest Airlines, have “put the U.S.A. on sale,” according to Tom
Parsons, CEO and founder of Besfares.com, a discount travel Web site
that monitors air travel. Parsons says Air Tran Airways has given
consumers some super-low airfares for travel through November 4, 2009.
Southwest Airlines, have “put the U.S.A. on sale,” according to Tom
Parsons, CEO and founder of Besfares.com, a discount travel Web site
that monitors air travel. Parsons says Air Tran Airways has given
consumers some super-low airfares for travel through November 4, 2009.
–Michael H. Cottman
First Dance Goes to My Father
Everyone who has spent any considerable time with me has heard me
say it: “I love my daddy!” Not dad, but daddy, and that is how I refer
to him, even though I’m nearly 30. Every year Mother’s Day comes around
and you can’t escape the “love your mom” blitz. I can’t say ditto every
third Sunday in June, but that doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate Daddy
every chance I get.
I love both my parents, but I share something unique with my dad.
As a child, I thought every girl had a similar relationship with her
dad as I did with mine. A few years and a thousand conversations later,
and I realized this isn’t the case. Instead, what I heard are tales of
absent fathers or unhealthy relationships between fathers and
daughters. Through most of these stories, even when a strong bond
existed with their mothers, I still heard a yearning for that healthy
connection with their dads.
As a child, I thought every girl had a similar relationship with her
dad as I did with mine. A few years and a thousand conversations later,
and I realized this isn’t the case. Instead, what I heard are tales of
absent fathers or unhealthy relationships between fathers and
daughters. Through most of these stories, even when a strong bond
existed with their mothers, I still heard a yearning for that healthy
connection with their dads.
I have come across a few women whose relationships with their
fathers are comparable to mine. They, like me, intertwine dad into
their conversations, reflecting on him as friend, adviser, biggest fan,
sincerest critic, voice of reason, source of confidence, therapist
fathers are comparable to mine. They, like me, intertwine dad into
their conversations, reflecting on him as friend, adviser, biggest fan,
sincerest critic, voice of reason, source of confidence, therapist
and spiritual guide.
At a certain age (think: puberty), most girls are more comfortable
sharing certain things with mom. Although Mom and I are now best
friends, it wasn’t so when I was growing up. Dad got to hear all of
those things I probably should have spared him. One hot summer
afternoon a girlfriend came by so we could go swimming. I calmly
announced to my father, “I can’t go swimming because I’m on my period,
and I don’t think it’s a good idea to have all that red in the pool.
But we can do something else.” Without flinching, my dad said, “Oh,
okay.” The only person uncomfortable with that exchange was my
girlfriend. The second we walked out of the living room, she asked,
“How the hell could you say that in front of your dad? Weren’t you
embarrassed?” She definitely didn’t understand our bond.
sharing certain things with mom. Although Mom and I are now best
friends, it wasn’t so when I was growing up. Dad got to hear all of
those things I probably should have spared him. One hot summer
afternoon a girlfriend came by so we could go swimming. I calmly
announced to my father, “I can’t go swimming because I’m on my period,
and I don’t think it’s a good idea to have all that red in the pool.
But we can do something else.” Without flinching, my dad said, “Oh,
okay.” The only person uncomfortable with that exchange was my
girlfriend. The second we walked out of the living room, she asked,
“How the hell could you say that in front of your dad? Weren’t you
embarrassed?” She definitely didn’t understand our bond.
****
It’s not what Daddy has bought me. Instead it’s the moments we
share, and we’ve had quite a few, many of them set against the backdrop
of a long walk.
share, and we’ve had quite a few, many of them set against the backdrop
of a long walk.
My first walk on the beach was with my dad. We talked about guys.
He didn’t exactly tell me what to look for in a guy. In fact, he
highlighted a few of his own shortcomings, which, in essence, told me
what to avoid. Actually, what it subconsciously led to is the
foundational recipe for relationships, and this is what I’ve shared
with the men who have come into my life: love God, love yourself and
without question, you’ve got to learn to love me exactly the way I am
while desiring me to be the best version of me as I would of you.
He didn’t exactly tell me what to look for in a guy. In fact, he
highlighted a few of his own shortcomings, which, in essence, told me
what to avoid. Actually, what it subconsciously led to is the
foundational recipe for relationships, and this is what I’ve shared
with the men who have come into my life: love God, love yourself and
without question, you’ve got to learn to love me exactly the way I am
while desiring me to be the best version of me as I would of you.
Don’t get me wrong. Mom makes me laugh, and I have a blast with
her. She’s always my choice to have a drink with, and I wouldn’t trade
that for the world. But Daddy brings a different type of fun. The two
of us can stay in the house all day working and know we haven’t missed
a thing from the outside world. These are the moments that he takes my
already bound master’s thesis and doctoral dissertation and marks them
up with edits. It’s the moment that he sees a rough draft for a
research article I am working on and he queries me extensively on how I
conducted my focus groups. It’s the occasions he turns to me and we
discuss politics, sports or even entertainment.
her. She’s always my choice to have a drink with, and I wouldn’t trade
that for the world. But Daddy brings a different type of fun. The two
of us can stay in the house all day working and know we haven’t missed
a thing from the outside world. These are the moments that he takes my
already bound master’s thesis and doctoral dissertation and marks them
up with edits. It’s the moment that he sees a rough draft for a
research article I am working on and he queries me extensively on how I
conducted my focus groups. It’s the occasions he turns to me and we
discuss politics, sports or even entertainment.
“Boy I empathize with that Paris Hilton kid,” he said during one
of these discussions. “Based on what you see on television, I wouldn’t
want that kind of limelight.”
of these discussions. “Based on what you see on television, I wouldn’t
want that kind of limelight.”
Then he reminded me: “Girl, you are doing great, but you have no
social life! You’ve got to want to share all of this with someone. You
are a catch!”
social life! You’ve got to want to share all of this with someone. You
are a catch!”
Daddy and I look alike; our likeness in character changes
depending on the day. And for every creative, out-of-the-box, emotional
and crazy moment, idea or venture I’ve had, my biggest fan has been my
dad. He is rooting for me, win or lose. I have le
arned about being a well grounded, giving person from Dad. Our
relationship has taught me how to treat people. It has fed me
spiritually and emotionally.
depending on the day. And for every creative, out-of-the-box, emotional
and crazy moment, idea or venture I’ve had, my biggest fan has been my
dad. He is rooting for me, win or lose. I have le
arned about being a well grounded, giving person from Dad. Our
relationship has taught me how to treat people. It has fed me
spiritually and emotionally.
To my future husband, on that day–our day–when we decide our two
halves should become one, that first dance goes to my father. Without
him, I would not be the person you desire.
halves should become one, that first dance goes to my father. Without
him, I would not be the person you desire.
–T. Richard
Get Unstuck
If you’ve ever gotten your car entrenched in a patch of mud or
stranded on a mound o
f snow, you can relate–at least physically–to the frustration and
helplessness of being in a rut. Spin tires forward and you go nowhere.
Thrust gears into reverse and you get the same result. Until a tow
truck plays cavalry to your damsel in distress, there’s plenty of time
to reflect on how you wound up in the present predicament. In our much
more complex and much less metaphoric lives, however, getting out of a
stuck place isn’t as swift. Life, unlike a broken down car, won’t
always give us obvious indicators that it’s in need of repair. You just
stall.
stranded on a mound o
f snow, you can relate–at least physically–to the frustration and
helplessness of being in a rut. Spin tires forward and you go nowhere.
Thrust gears into reverse and you get the same result. Until a tow
truck plays cavalry to your damsel in distress, there’s plenty of time
to reflect on how you wound up in the present predicament. In our much
more complex and much less metaphoric lives, however, getting out of a
stuck place isn’t as swift. Life, unlike a broken down car, won’t
always give us obvious indicators that it’s in need of repair. You just
stall.
Identifying that we’re in a rut takes self-reflection time that
may not be built into the tight schedules we balance. So the routine of
just getting by can quickly and quietly become second nature. “Most
women fall into ruts because we embrace more than we probably should be
taking on,” says Nashawn Turner, founder of Uniquely Designed Coaching
LLC, a Virginia-based life coaching business. “So when we get
overwhelmed, we find ourselves trying to do whatever’s easiest and move
in the direction that causes us to develop bad habits.” The robotic
motions of commuting to work, coming home, cooking dinner, helping with
homework and going to bed just to do it all over again the next day may
seem harmless albeit humdrum. In actuality, it traps sisters into
joyless existences with lack of purpose and passion.
may not be built into the tight schedules we balance. So the routine of
just getting by can quickly and quietly become second nature. “Most
women fall into ruts because we embrace more than we probably should be
taking on,” says Nashawn Turner, founder of Uniquely Designed Coaching
LLC, a Virginia-based life coaching business. “So when we get
overwhelmed, we find ourselves trying to do whatever’s easiest and move
in the direction that causes us to develop bad habits.” The robotic
motions of commuting to work, coming home, cooking dinner, helping with
homework and going to bed just to do it all over again the next day may
seem harmless albeit humdrum. In actuality, it traps sisters into
joyless existences with lack of purpose and passion.
Standing in neutral is one thing; shifting gears to move out of a perpetually
stuck place is another. Turner suggests implementing these six steps
for rocking out of a rut and re-engaging in life.
stuck place is another. Turner suggests implementing these six steps
for rocking out of a rut and re-engaging in life.
Ask yourself:
1. Is this what you thought your life would be like? Visualize
living free from your regular routine. Understand that it’s your life
and you can choose how you want to experience it.
living free from your regular routine. Understand that it’s your life
and you can choose how you want to experience it.
2. Contemplate what caused you to get in the rut in the first
place and then find out what’s causing you to stay stuck. “There’s a
familiar saying: What you resist will persist,” Turner says. Deal with
issues that have kept you in a stale, unsatisfying and predictable
life, and affirm that you will no longer miss out on enjoying it. “I
tell all of my clients change begins with a decision,” Turner says.
“Only you can say when enough is enough of the same old-same old.”
Write a list of things you want to add or subtract from your life.
Establish little changes to get immediate results so you can feel and
see you’re moving forward.
place and then find out what’s causing you to stay stuck. “There’s a
familiar saying: What you resist will persist,” Turner says. Deal with
issues that have kept you in a stale, unsatisfying and predictable
life, and affirm that you will no longer miss out on enjoying it. “I
tell all of my clients change begins with a decision,” Turner says.
“Only you can say when enough is enough of the same old-same old.”
Write a list of things you want to add or subtract from your life.
Establish little changes to get immediate results so you can feel and
see you’re moving forward.
3. Gather resources to nurture change and help you maintain focus.
Books and workshops may assist you. Rally family and friends–or make
new acquaintances–to help fuel your change.
Books and workshops may assist you. Rally family and friends–or make
new acquaintances–to help fuel your change.
4. Be conscious and move through life awake. “Pay attention to
your thoughts, words and20actions because these are what establish your
behaviors and routine,” Turner says. “We get into ruts based on how we
think about things. We keep speaking and thinking those things, and our
actions are manifested in that way.” When you find yourself falling
into old habits, ask why you’re doing it. That thoughtful moment will
enable you to make an alternative choice.
your thoughts, words and20actions because these are what establish your
behaviors and routine,” Turner says. “We get into ruts based on how we
think about things. We keep speaking and thinking those things, and our
actions are manifested in that way.” When you find yourself falling
into old habits, ask why you’re doing it. That thoughtful moment will
enable you to make an alternative choice.
5. Create a list of things you always wanted to do or draft a
vision board that reflects your new way of life with empowering
pictures and phrases, and then post it where you can see it every day.
Before bed, Turner says, “write down what you did differently and ask
yourself how close you actually got to living out your change.”
vision board that reflects your new way of life with empowering
pictures and phrases, and then post it where you can see it every day.
Before bed, Turner says, “write down what you did differently and ask
yourself how close you actually got to living out your change.”
Initiating a new routine is rarely easy. But after a while,
operating from a stuck place isn’t so effortless, either. It can take a
while to dig into a rut, so expecting an overnight turnaround is surely
a setup for disappointment. Being active in the process of change and
recognizing that a new day is another opportunity to make it happen is
better than beating yourself up for not accomplishing the goals you set
the day before. Sometimes just starting the car and putting your foot
on the accelerator is all the catalyst you need.
operating from a stuck place isn’t so effortless, either. It can take a
while to dig into a rut, so expecting an overnight turnaround is surely
a setup for disappointment. Being active in the process of change and
recognizing that a new day is another opportunity to make it happen is
better than beating yourself up for not accomplishing the goals you set
the day before. Sometimes just starting the car and putting your foot
on the accelerator is all the catalyst you need.
--Janelle Harris
Traveling in Pairs
Going on a girlfriends’ getaway? Try these tips to help you live together on
vacation:
vacation:
-Keep It Small. “When it comes to your girlfriends, bigger ain’t
always better,” says travel expert Michael Andre Adams, who advises
limiting the number of people traveling. It also pays to choose your
friends wisely. If you have trouble spending one afternoon with
someone, don’t take her on a one-week cruise.
always better,” says travel expert Michael Andre Adams, who advises
limiting the number of people traveling. It also pays to choose your
friends wisely. If you have trouble spending one afternoon with
someone, don’t take her on a one-week cruise.
-Two to a Bathroom. “If the plan includes shared accommodations,
cap it at two to one bathroom,” Adams warns. Fighting for bathroom time
can bring out the diva in the sweetest darling.
cap it at two to one bathroom,” Adams warns. Fighting for bathroom time
can bring out the diva in the sweetest darling.
-Talk Before You Take Off. Get together to decide sleeping
arrangements, who showers first, what activities to do and how to divvy
up the bills. Ironing out the fine details before you leave will help
keep confusion and anxiety at bay.
arrangements, who showers first, what activities to do and how to divvy
up the bills. Ironing out the fine details before you leave will help
keep confusion and anxiety at bay.
-Get Some Space. Just because you’re traveling together doesn’t
meant you have to spend every second together. In fact you shouldn’t.
Bring a book, take a nap, exercise–do something alone.
meant you have to spend every second together. In fact you shouldn’t.
Bring a book, take a nap, exercise–do something alone.
-Take a Big Girl Pill. Think positive and expect to have a great
vacation, but be realistic and know there may be blips along the way.
Be prepared to be the bigger person and let little things go.
vacation, but be realistic and know there may be blips along the way.
Be prepared to be the bigger person and let little things go.
–Lorraine
Sanabria Robertson
Nothing to It
Feeling the need to hang a ”do not disturb” sign on the door? If
health and well-being are a priority on your to-do list, take an
authorized timeout and temporarily dismiss your multitasking genie.
health and well-being are a priority on your to-do list, take an
authorized timeout and temporarily dismiss your multitasking genie.
Call it mastering the art of nothing. As demands in our personal
and professional lives get more complex, it becomes more important to
schedule time for doing absolutely nothing, even if just for five or 15
minutes a day.
and professional lives get more complex, it becomes more important to
schedule time for doing absolutely nothing, even if just for five or 15
minutes a day.
Start by finding a quiet space that filters out all distractions.
Whether a study or the backyard, choose a place where you can easily
just be–and be most comfortable. Next, breathe deeply. It is a simple
technique that is critical to supplying the body and organs with oxygen
while helping get rid of toxins. Try prayer or meditation to de-stress
in the middle of a hectic day. At home, make use of the bathtub and set
up a mini spa. Drop in a fragrant bath bomb to enhance the experience.
Lastly, turn off the radio in the car or resist the urge to read a
magazine in the checkout line.
Whether a study or the backyard, choose a place where you can easily
just be–and be most comfortable. Next, breathe deeply. It is a simple
technique that is critical to supplying the body and organs with oxygen
while helping get rid of toxins. Try prayer or meditation to de-stress
in the middle of a hectic day. At home, make use of the bathtub and set
up a mini spa. Drop in a fragrant bath bomb to enhance the experience.
Lastly, turn off the radio in the car or resist the urge to read a
magazine in the checkout line.
Remember, nothing can make everything perfect.
– Ayana M. Davis
